An Interview with Dr. Amin Dezhakam, the Worldview Dideban of Congress 60

What Is Our Role in Life?
For a long time, we had been looking forward to the opportunity to benefit from the warm presence of the respected Dezhakam family. We are grateful that this opportunity has finally come, allowing us to be joined by Mr. Amin Dezhakam, the Worldview Dideban (Watcher). We are pleased to have you with us as we read this insightful and thought-provoking interview.
Question:
What should a traveler or companion do if they have been betrayed by their partner? How can they restore the love and affection between them?
Mr. Amin Dezhakam:
In today's society, we are witnessing many changes. Society is moving in new directions, and different cultural patterns are emerging. Of course, these issues have always existed; they are not entirely new.
Infidelity may occur either before substance use treatment or after recovery. My comments are limited to the perspective of worldview, as I am not a specialist in this field.
A relationship between two people is generally built on a flow of love and affection. Yet, many people unintentionally damage their own lives through their behavior. Excessive strictness, unnecessary formalities, unreasonable expectations, bad temper, constant irritability, or a spouse who is always "ill" or pretends to be sick in order to gain attention, these are all harmful patterns. So are having too many demands, being lazy, lacking self-sacrifice, i.e. not to forgive their spouse, criticizing every small mistake, constantly finding faults, making sarcastic remarks, and focusing only on the negative aspects of their wife or husband.
These are some of the ways that both men and women gradually destroy their own relationships. The flow of love can only exist where there is respect, attention, and trust.
When you live with someone who always focuses on the negatives, constantly acts sick to attract attention, continually criticizes, or neglects themselves, someone who pays little attention to personal hygiene, does not care for their health, has no interest in learning [anything], and is always complaining and finding fault; in essence, through these behaviors, a person is saying in another language, "I am not worthwhile." They often compare the present situation to the engagement period or the early days of marriage and say, "Things were different back then." Yes, it’s true, but if you want a relationship to endure, you must care for it continuously.
A relationship is like a building. To keep it standing, you have to maintain it; you pay for its upkeep, keep it clean, repair the wiring, and take care of it on an ongoing basis. Otherwise, it will eventually collapse. Human relationships are no different.
Each person should value themselves. Part of this is the visible aspect: exercising, maintaining personal hygiene, dressing appropriately, and taking care of one's appearance. The other part is the invisible aspect: having good character, showing kindness and affection, and developing positive qualities.
If we neglect these things, we gradually become like a stagnant swamp. The attraction and emotional connection between husband and wife begin to fade. Once that connection is lost, the ground becomes fertile to develop an interest in someone else.
When this happens, the first step is to look at ourselves and make the necessary changes and correct ourselves. Men generally appreciate a woman who gives them attention, peace of mind, affection, and takes pride in them. If, every time a husband comes home, he is met with complaints such as, "Why did you buy this? You got ripped off. When are you going to grow up? Why are you home so late? Why are you home so early? You're still acting like you did when you were using drugs," and if only his shortcomings are pointed out, then naturally, if he encounters someone who simply smiles at him or shows him kindness, he may be drawn to that person.
This situation can be repaired. Therefore, we should first examine and improve ourselves. If we sincerely work on ourselves and the same behavior still continues, then it becomes a different matter. At that point, the couple needs to decide whether the betrayed spouse truly wantss to remain in the relationship. If they do not, then they should separate. But if they wish to stay together, they must create the conditions necessary for a healthy life together.
From the perspective of worldview, these are important principles to consider. In general, however, a marriage [life] is worth making sacrifices for. A person may make one mistake, two mistakes, or even three mistakes and lose their way. There is value in giving opportunities, showing forgiveness, and allowing room for change. But if the behavior becomes a repeated pattern, then remaining in that relationship may no longer be worthwhile.
Our recommendation is always to begin with self-improvement, forgiveness, and compassion.
There are other aspects of this subject that are difficult to discuss openly because society is not yet ready for them. As for a husband or wife seeking a romantic relationship outside the marriage, this is not considered acceptable. Regarding a wife, this is not permitted [in religion]. A spouse may choose to forgive once or even twice, but if the behavior continues repeatedly, separation is the appropriate course of action, because the relationship has become toxic, and it is no longer a healthy environment to remain in.
Question:
What advice would you give to a companion whose traveler is undergoing treatment, but who has been unfaithful to his wife or partner in an attempt to cope with his own emotional or personal needs?
Mr. Amin Dezhakam:
My advice is this: you are not someone without responsibilities. You have a family and commitments, and you have to pay its cost and you have to undergo the hardship of life. If you are single, that is a different matter. But if you have a husband and child/ren, you cannot look for another solution every time you find yourself under pressure or facing hardship.
Sometimes you need to wait for six months or even a year [for your traveler to be liberated from addiction]. You must be willing to endure difficulties and tolerate emotional and sexual deprivation for a period of time so that your life and your family have the opportunity to heal and be rebuilt.
This is precisely why we call you a Companion (Hamsafar). We want to honor that role. Think of it like receiving a War Medal, in war, a person who has made sacrifices and lost their hands and feet are valued to receive  a War Medal. The title of “companion” is not given to anyone for free.  You became a Companion because of these efforts and hardships. Those hardships are the price of fulfilling that role and being companion [a wife supporting her drug abuser husband or father (traveler) in the process of curing addiction in Congress 60] . Without accepting those challenges, one cannot carry that title.

Question:
What do you recommend for Companions whose Travelers have traveled several times but have repeatedly relapsed, and who no longer allow them to attend the branch?
Mr. Amin Dezhakam:
In these situations, I believe the Traveler should transfer to a different branch. Sometimes the existing environment is no longer tolerable for them because they might be notorious in that branch.
There are many subtle social dynamics at play. For example, if a man has undergone treatment at a particular branch but has relapsed once or twice, he may begin to feel notorious. Everyone knows him, and he may feel that both he and his family do not feel secure or are not at peace in that branch and he feels he is venerable there. He does not allow his wife go to that branch because his own status is fragile and unstable; therefore, they may also feel unable to protect the stability of their marital relationship. This is the reason why they do not want their spouse to attend the branch.
Its practical solution is to move to another branch and continue treatment in a place where they can begin with a fresh start, among people who do not know their history. If you come to a branch and you did not get the required result, you can start over in a new branch, with different people and a fresh atmosphere.
Question:
What kinds of actions or attitudes from the Family and Companion groups bring you and your family the greatest satisfaction?
Mr. Amin Dezhakam:
Several things come to mind. First and foremost is active participation in different areas of Congress 60, being involved in the branch, in service, in sports, and in the various legions. It is important that companions remain engaged and, above all, do not lose sight of their original purpose.
Their primary goal is to preserve and strengthen their family. That is the reason they came to Congress 60, and it should remain their main focus. If they keep that goal at the center of their efforts, their personal aspirations and growth will naturally develop alongside it. However, if these priorities are reversed, problems can arise.
When Companions come to Congress 60, their first priority should be their own mental and emotional correction, supporting the Traveler's recovery, and helping to nurture their children and family. Personal advancement is also valuable, but it should come afterward.
A phrase has become popular that says, "I come to Congress 60 for myself." But the reality is that if your Traveler had not been struggling with addiction, you would not have been admitted to Congress 60. In that sense, you came because of your Traveler.
Some interpretations have led people away from the original intent. When we say, "Turn the camera toward yourself," we mean that you should examine and remove your own your own shortcomings. We do not mean that you should neglect your Traveler and focus only on your own personal progress.
By “letting go of your traveler”, we mean you should stop constantly criticizing your Traveler, you have to work on yourself, and let go of resentment. But that does not mean abandoning them or becoming indifferent to them. It is not a matter of saying, "I will just pursue my own goals, earn a master's degree, get a doctorate, and forget about everything else."
These are subtle shifts in thinking that can gradually change the true purpose of the journey.
If a Companion does not lose sight of the original mission, supporting and reviving the family, then, as they continue on that path, personal success, education, and individual progress can naturally be attained, and as a result, they can get a higher education degree or other achievements. However, the opposite is generally not true: pursuing personal advancement alone does not necessarily lead to fulfilling the original purpose.
Question:
What has been the most beautiful feeling and the most meaningful experience you have gained from Congress 60?
Mr. Amin Dezhakam:
The nature trip camps have been a truly unique experience. However, the greatest insight I have gained is realizing just how magnificent this work truly is.
More than anything else, it helped me better recognize the presence of God and the Absolute Power at work throughout this process and within the Congress 60 itself.
Because of my presence in Congress 60, my understanding of God, the higher forces, and the universe has deepened significantly. That has been my most profound personal experience.
Question:
Based on the Science of Life CD, why do you believe children should be introduced to music from an early age, and why is music so important?
Mr. Amin Dezhakam:
The message in that CD has both a personal and a general meaning. It applies not only to me but to everyone. If someone asked me what children should learn during their years of development, I would say there are three essential areas: music, sports, and learning to contribute to family life by helping at home. These should all be considered fundamental parts of a child's education.
There is a unique power hidden within sound and music. It has the ability to take you to different places. When you learn to play an instrument, performing a piece of music can transport you into an entirely new world and allow you to experience a different [unique] sense. Simply listening to music has a similar effect, although to a lesser degree.
It is much like boarding a plane and traveling to Spain or another place. Once you arrive, you explore that place and absorb the energy that exists there. In the same way, when you play a particular piece of music, it is as though you have traveled to another place and are experiencing the world from a different perspective. Music is an incredibly powerful tool.
Personally, music has helped me bring many of my emotions into balance. When a person feels deeply sad, distressed, or under great pressure, music can help restore emotional equilibrium. My own experience has been that music enabled me to break through and neutralize those emotional pressures.
In my opinion, if people know how to play music, even if they are not professional musicians, even if they can simply play an instrument, they are never truly alone. Music gives them a way to ease life's pressures and hardships. It can help restore inner and psychological balance.

We sincerely thank you for taking the time to speak with us and, as always, for answering our questions with patience, generosity, and enthusiasm. We pray that God grants you and your respected family continued health and well-being.
Interviewer: Companion Maryam, News Borderguard
Typing: Companion Elaheh, student of Companion Guide Parisa (Legion 25)
Photography: Companion Mina, student of Companion Guide Zahra (Legion 5)
Editing and Publication: Companion Pegah, Website Coordinator
Sheikh Bahai Branch – Companions

Translator: Traveler Arash, Artesh Branch, Tehran

Revised by Companion Elahe

https://www.congress60.org/News/419263/%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA