Living with an stranger within
I have an stranger with me all my life and now I am trying to know myself gradually.
I still feel the warmth of his hands on my shoulder. He put his hands on my shoulder while he was looking at me kindly and told me: "you have come to the right place." I had heard this sentence repeatedly in different addiction NGO’s. I couldn't believe that this time was different. After a while, I realized that this place was heaven on the earth. Our hearts were beating impatiently to see this moment. Being thankful is a beautiful gift. When we enter the ocean of gratitude and drink a few drops of it, we will become strong people.
But my friends, I would like to talk about my life in order to show my gratitude for my new life.
Thank you God for what you granted me. I can never forget the awful feeling I had. I was screaming and hitting the car steering wheel so hard that the impact of my punches remained on it. I called God and begged him to help me. I asked him to show me a way out darkness and addiction. I was crying all nights and making the life a hell for everyone around me. The smallest destruction was that my son, Mohammad Hosein, tried to scape from home several times. And I attempted suicide repeatedly to release myself from this hell and jail. Dear friends, this was only a short scene of my hectic life. Addiction had thrown me from the spring of my life to the drought winter. I think God granted the human being the mercy of forgiving. If I haven't forgotten those dark moments of my life, I would have been living in the hell with such memories. We understand that some gifts from God are so valuable if we look at them carefully. When I remember what I have done on addiction days to the world, I am ashamed. But I am grateful that I could at least realize my mistakes. And I am trying to compensate for them now.
Dear God, thank you for opening the gate towards beauties that I haven't been able to see them before. I believe they are more than gifts. I wasn't thankful for knowledge but I am now. Because the nescience membranes are removed from my sight . Thank you God for helping me and guiding me to the world of kindness. You helped me with the DST method. I am quitting drugs gradually not suddenly. And thank you God, you showed me this loving warm place to find myself. Because I haven't known my real self before. And I am finding myself again.
I found myself and realized that I can be the best creature on earth and I should never consider myself inferior. Heaven is my price whether in this world or other worlds. I like to live the way that when the death angels come to take me, I will be ready to take apart from my body's cage. I thank God for giving me hope after despair, and having grand desire to live after asking for death. I appreciate my dear guide and I ask God to grant Mr.Dezhakam the highest possible degree of wisdom and strength. I hope I could be a helpful person here in the valley of love.
Writer: Alireza Mokhtari
Translator: Companion Parvin